Each week in The Wisdom of Change blog series, I share the original artwork and unpack the insights and meaning behind one of the 44 cards in The Wisdom of Change oracle deck.

This week’s card is 37 Ask For Help

The wisdom in this card arrived with me at a time when I had so many balls in the air, it never occurred to me that I could ask for help. I was incredibly focussed on everything I needed to get done in any given 24-hour period. It felt as though everything would come crashing down around me if I stopped for a moment to ask for assistance. As a single mum of two small children, huge overheads and a fledgling business, time and money were as tight as my schedule. I remember feeling surprised when someone I’d just met described me to a mutual friend as ‘a bit intense’. In my head I was as far from intense as I could get. Deep down I knew I was a fun loving, dry humoured, light-hearted character who loves to laugh at the ridiculous. I knew where I wanted to be, who I am inside and how I want to feel. It also felt like I had a long way to go to get there.

I took a measure of pride in my identity as a capable, roll up your sleeves kind of woman who had begun to delve deeply into the art of self-awareness; for herself and as the basis of a career. I had taken it on the chin that I was 100% responsible for my side of my situation and knew that only I could find my way out of this mess. I had come to peace with the realisation that I was temporarily ‘stuck’ with a set of circumstances that weren’t ideal as a result of the choices I’d made in the past. I knew that I was there because I had systematically denied my true feelings and my inner knowing for a very long time. I was focussed on all that changing. I was a personal development sponge who was going to do whatever it took to never repeat the same mistakes again.

This may sound incredibly noble, but it was neither sustainable nor necessary. What I needed to get straight in my head was the kind of help I was ready to ask for, from who and why. The help I requested needed to move me in the right direction, not have me feeling like a victim for being useless. I was super sensitive to anyone feeling sorry for me. I didn’t need rescuing or bailing out, despite the weight of the fear I carried. What I needed was the ability to ask for help for a specific reason that would result in me being able to move forward, not to slip backwards into victimhood or hopelessness. It was a fine line to tread when my requests for help felt like selling out on myself. There were times when I wouldn’t even let someone make me a cup of tea because something about the energy of their offer felt off.

Asking for help that feels empowering is an art form. There was deep learning in this for me. Being brave and self-reliant is a necessary ingredient in personal growth, but so too is the ability to articulate your needs cleanly and ask for help. It is harder than we might think to get clear about what help we need and why. When we ask with clarity about our desires, we are a gift to the person whose help we ask for. If it is in their power to give, they get to feel great about helping you with your aims. If our requests for help are born out of an energy of lack and victimhood, our request feels heavy. Our suggestion for how we need help may be refused, or our neediness might attract narcissistic arrangements that draw on our energies past the point of help being given. This can leave us feeling depleted, insecure and indebted.

The wisdom in this week’s card invites you to get clear about what you need and why. Check in to see it if feels good to ask for what you want or if it will lead you to feel disempowered. Ask within for guidance as to the right person to ask.  When you get clear on the right kind of help, your request will feel like a gift to them. Never ask for help from someone who takes pity on you or tries to rescue you. Look for people whose giving energy is clean and empowering to you. Check in with yourself to see if they will they delight in your success for the sake of sucess alone and not give you the impression that you need to give them something in return.

Clarity about your desires in sufficient detail to articulate your requests is an important step towards their manifestation and you are not here to struggle on alone.

You’ve got this.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s connection to your inner wisdom.

As always, I’d love to hear your comments below.

If you’d like to learn more about The Wisdom of Change oracle deck you can find out more here.

If you'd like to find out more about a Wisdom of Change reading with Wendy please click here.