I’m super ambitious, but not everyone would know that. Maybe it’s because I don’t aspire to the ‘success at any cost’ way of being and I never have. Nonetheless, onlookers might consider me to fit the ‘overachiever’ category. I have an ego placating collection of qualifications and professional experience and when I do a job, I have to do it well. Even when I felt wildly out of balance, no one guessed. I had sleepless nights churning the possibilities of how I might change my life for the better and feel at peace with myself and the trajectory of my life. No one had a clue that this was what was going on inside. I wasn’t sure if or how I could achieve the state of peaceful, purposeful excitement that I longed for, but I knew in my soul that I had to give it my best shot. My sanity depended on it.
For most of us, a lot goes on under the surface that is hidden from view. It’s how we equip ourselves to make sense of it that’s the game-changer. I remind myself regularly to manage my perfectionist tendencies and to incorporate the ‘done is better than perfect’ approach whenever I can. Although I find the concept of ‘ready, fire, aim’ to be extremely courageous and exhilarating, it heralds in equal part, warnings from my inner gremlin about the perils of unpreparedness. When I am brave enough to lead spontaneously and intuitively, I do my best work. It’s a kick in the teeth to the part of myself that wants to ‘earn’ my success through logic and hard work, but these polarised aspects of me are learning to coexist in ever more forgiving and productive ways.
I’m never happier than when I’m making a dent in my ‘To Do’ list and yet I can spend an inordinate amount of time daydreaming, tuning into my intuition, pondering my next creative project and waiting for things to feel right. I’ve learnt that my reflective downtime is as productive as my stints of focussed activity. I love to be busy and I’m a sucker for a new project, especially those that feel exciting and adventurous. I also know the cost of being a workaholic. I’ve had a dose of adrenal fatigue and I didn’t like it one bit. When push comes to shove, I want to be a present mother and a wife who shows up in her healed feminine energy as much as I can. I’ve learnt from bitter experience that being in a relationship with me when my wounded masculine is running the show is not pretty. 😉 There’s a lot to juggle when we commit to a wisdom-led lifestyle, but the rewards are worth the effort.
Internal dichotomies can have me spinning my wheels and second-guessing myself when I fail to remember that they are all important aspects of me. I know that I am not alone in this sense of unrest; my ‘soul client’ (those I am karmically here to serve) feel it too. By committing to what I’m here to heal in myself, I uncover ways to raise my consciousness that they seek too. Committing to profound personal change for the better is a life path with a dry sense of humour. Even after a decade of self-employment, I wonder if I’m cut out for entrepreneurship with alarming regularity! Can you relate? If you’ve been reading my blog, I bet that you can; there are no coincidences when we step into our passion and purpose. 😉
I don’t aspire to martyrdom, but I know how it feels when my ego believes that I’m not being appreciated or recognised. I desire success, but I’ve decided to feel good in the process. I’ve said no to burn out and I’ve set the intention that my clients, contractors and suppliers are aligned to me so that my days feel like a series of fascinating conversations with like-minded friends. So much of what I see about traditional entrepreneurship turns me off. I’ve decided to pioneer a path I find more attractive. I am committed to inspire and empower women to lead in ways that feel aligned to who they really are in all their glorious complexity. Because that’s what I want too. I desire for women to commit to themselves in ways that feed their soul and meet their needs for success, ease and recognition. Why? Because we are here to master for ourselves what we are helping others to achieve too.
I know how it feels to spin my wheels working hard, but not smart because I can’t work out who I really am and who I’m here to serve. I’ve committed a decade of my life to not being that person anymore and it’s the most exciting, empowering and liberating feeling I’ve ever had. If you are feeling the way I did, I’m here to tell you that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you are not cut out for it (or any of the other soul-crushing things you have been telling yourself). It means that you haven’t worked it all through yet, but you will. Stay on the path and dare to dig deeper. Commit to the adventure of ever-increasing self-awareness and you will find increasing clarity. Know that change is a process that takes place on a number of levels over time. Give yourself a break from the self-sabotaging inner voice who knows nothing of the exquisitely mysterious adventure of self-empowerment that lies ahead.
And if you get stuck and feel like you’re losing your way – reach out to me. I’m here.
You’ve got this x