Conditioned for Struggle
Do you feel this constant struggle too?? I’ve just returned from a three-day coaching retreat. I love running retreats for my clients, but this time I was in the hot seat, placing my trust in my coach and a small group of women I’m sharing the programme with. Personal development and self-awareness is my chosen field of work, but it became a lifestyle choice for me a long time ago. I love to be coached and I always come away with new insights, deeply realigned and delighted by the outcome.
In glorious Technicolor on this occasion was the realisation that I have been addicted to struggle. It’s not surprising really and I know I’m not alone. As women, we are conditioned to struggle in a myriad of ways. We do it unknowingly because everyone else is doing the same. And yet a woman struggling is unattractive to others, boring for everyone and exhausting for us. The whole practice of struggle is a low vibration addiction from an energetic perspective and serves no-one.
Struggle is a choice we make
In every moment we get to choose – what feels amazing and exciting or what feels like hard work and overwhelm. It is a choice, but we forget that or we don’t even register it because we have been conditioned to accept struggle and everyone else around us is doing the same. When we see a woman make a conscious choice not to struggle it can make us feel uneasy – who is she to have such grace and ease whilst the rest of us have to battle onwards? Well, we don’t of course – it’s a lifestyle choice.
Gone are the days when a woman needed to secure herself financially through men. It is commonplace for women to enjoy fulfilling, well-paid careers, run successful businesses, have their own bank account and own all manner of investments in their name. It’s just as likely that this woman is also operating from her masculine and unable to express what she really needs. In addition to full-time work roles, research suggests that women still take responsibility for the lion share of household chores and childcare.
We can’t carry on like this
How can we sustainably expand from this position? Well, I speak from experience that we can’t! We can’t continue to add more and more to our physical and emotional to do list, expect to get better at it and bring in more abundance. Something has to give. So what will it be? Your emotional wellbeing, your physical health, your marriage, your career or your addiction to struggle?
When we get clear about what we want at the right level we can bring it to us.
When we get clear about what we want, we can ask for what we need.
Can you do that?
Will you ask for what you need?
Or will you make yourself wrong, guilty or lazy and struggle on regardless?
Decide to make it easy
These days it’s about granting oneself permission to be a highly resourced woman. We don’t see many women around us doing that yet. The ‘have it all struggle’ is conveyed by the media with an element of glamour. Women are shown better ways to ‘juggle’ (read struggle). We are likely to be the first role model in our peer group to ditch the drama. It’s about making the conscious connection that life can be easier than we chose to make it. It’s about having downtime to enjoy what is important to us, what energises us and to see this as a necessity, not a luxury.
We need to consciously decide to say ‘yes’ to the freedom and the finance to choose ease. I’ve made the connection that being busy ‘doing’ things I could outsource has been a great way of telling myself I can’t do more in my business, for my health and fitness and with my family.
We have to decide what stops here.
What do we refuse to pass down to another generation of ‘liberated’ women?
What do you refuse to tell your own daughter is ‘expected’ of womankind?
We need to begin to set ourselves free because that is all it takes.
I give myself permission to give myself my hearts desires and to be ok with that.
How about you?