I had so much to say. I just didn’t know how to say it.
I had been through years of profound personal change, and I had learnt so much. There had been times when I was angry that what I had to learn hadn’t been easy to find when I needed it most. I’d had to piece it together from disparate sources, synthesise it all, keep what worked and throw away the rest. It was a lot to process and took many years to do and thousands of pounds to find. I thank my lucky stars that I was brave enough to go there and resourceful enough to pull through it physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually. It occurred to me that faced with the same set of circumstances, many may not. It was pretty close to the edge for me at times.
I vowed to myself that I would share what I had learnt. It became clear that this was the kind of coach I wanted to be. If I could tell just one more woman that she’d be ok if she was facing half what I experienced, or twice that, she’d pull through. Even in our darkest night of the soul, when the options don’t look inviting, we always have a choice. At first, just doing what it takes to upgrade the choices we have into slightly less appalling ones is a big win. There were times when I could barely raise my head off the pillow with the effort it took to fathom my way through everything. The solutions took days, weeks and sometimes months to excavate and land. No wonder I struggled to synthesize this and articulate it on paper in a blog post. While remaining true to my intention, I needed to be patient with myself as a fledgling writer.
To start with my writing ambition was too lofty. I’d determined to write a book. I sat down and I wrote. I wrote and I wrote. It turned out I had the reverse of writer’s block. I couldn’t stop. Though I wrote prolifically, I didn’t particularly like what I wrote. It wasn’t nubby enough. It didn’t crystalise my learnings for others to apply to their own journey. It felt like a rambling monologue. But most frustratingly, I couldn’t find my voice. I needed to determine who was I in the writing relationship with my reader. Was I the authority, the critic, the teacher, the expert? I read the works of other authors and realised that I had ‘voice envy’. They were so adept at sharing their viewpoint. Reading their words was like having coffee with a trusted friend. I longed for that in my own writing and I set about trying to find the style of my work and the nature of my voice. That was when The Wise Girlfriend was born.
Reading the blurbs of books in a similar genre to the one I intended to write, I hit upon the nugget I needed. When we set our intuitive intention on solving a challenge this invariably happens! ‘Written in a wise girlfriend style’ was how the blurb described this one book I was reviewing. Bingo. That was exactly the voice I wanted to embody; that of the wise girlfriend.
I sat with this wise girlfriend in my mind and wondered what she might be like. I realised that I wanted to meet her. To me she represented the woman who has been there and done it and has overcome a good dose of life’s challenges with grace. She is wise as a result of what she has experienced, but more importantly because of how she has navigated it. She is accomplished and fun with a wry sense of humour. You have coffee with her and come away feeling like a better person; more of who you really are. In her company you feel empowered and seen, witnessed and held. You have a glass of wine with her and she shares her stories. You laugh so hard in her company that wine comes out of your nose! She won’t allow you to disempower yourself with any of your victimhood, but she’ll listen and give you her undivided attention. She has a magical gift of sharing just what you need to hear just when you need her input. She stands for you unconditionally because she sees that you are working though pain and she knows what that takes. She always has your back.
The wise girlfriend inspires me and she beckons me to write. She lends me her voice. If I determine to tackle a subject through my writing, I sit for a minute and ask myself what would the wise girlfriend say? Running my content through my muse helps me to organise what I want to convey and how I want to say it. She wouldn’t ramble on. She wouldn’t over share. She wouldn’t hold back. She knows the writer I long to be and she gently encourages me to pick up my pen and open my laptop. I take it from there and run things by her when I need to.
I wonder who and what inspires you in your creative process and unique expression into the world.
And if you haven’t found it yet, I hope my muse has inspired yours 🙂
You’ve got this.