Early on in my journey as a coach I heard the phrase ‘healer heal thyself’ and I rather liked it. It’s along the same lines as ‘walk your talk’, another one of my favorites. You can smell inauthenticity in someone from 20 paces; when what they are saying doesn’t line up with how they are being. You subconsciously know the misalignment is there, even if you cant quite put your finger on what it is about the person that doesn’t stack up.
In my ongoing relationship with profound personal change, I noticed that we can’t complete a cycle of transformation until we have healed the root cause of the issue that was previously holding us back. Observing my own journey and that of my clients, I grappled for ages to identify the stages that we go through during the change/transformation process. When the process finally emerged, I called my model ‘The change seekers guide to more clarity’.
Before we can get to the stage where anything gets healed, we have to know what is ‘sick’. Logically, the diagnosis phase of the change cycle precedes the point where any healing can take place. Before we can heal ourself, we first need to ‘know ourself’. I mentioned in a previous blog that the starting point for profound personal change is curiosity. Nothing can happen until we start asking those great quality questions about the experience of life in which we find our self stuck. We then enter into a phase of debate and discussion (with our self and others), exploration and understanding, which brings us to a point of personal insight.
That’s the ‘aha!’ moment; the point at which we shine the light on the metaphorical ‘gremlin in the closet’ that have been holding us hostage without our conscious knowing. It’s when the rubber hits the road. Its gives me a buzz every time I find out something about me that was previously hidden from my view; lurking unseen in my blind spot.
Which is why I listened in fascination when a friend of mine told me that she’d never want to be coached; she didn’t want to know what she might find out about herself! It stopped me in my tracks.
I can never know enough about myself. Self-awareness is the foundation on which personal change takes place. Forgiveness, greater understanding, compassion, better quality questions, magical adventures, tolerance, being everything we are to be and that holy grail of transformation, all arise from the state of desiring to know oneself better. It sets you free.
For all these reasons, I’m on a mission to demystify change; to deconstruct the fear that grips us when we thing about it; the resistance we feel when we finally take a step towards it. Because the change you desire is already done; you just have to get out of your own way. Changing what isn’t working for you is how you accomplish everything you want in this lifetime, both for yourself and for others, and that’s the most worthwhile pursuit I can think of.
Change is inevitable, growth is optional, chose wisely.