Each week in The Wisdom of Change blog series, I share the original artwork and unpack the insights and meaning behind one of the 44 cards in The Wisdom of Change oracle deck.
This week’s card is 18 Resourceful Patterns
I had no idea what patterns I was habitually running until I was invited to consciously audit them. Much of the patterning we run on a daily basis is resourceful and requires no further investigation. Where we might consider looking deeper is when we are trying to create a change in our lives and find that no matter what we do, we can’t seem to make sufficient progress. When we find we can’t achieve what we desire, it’s likely that some unresourceful patterns are at play. The trouble is, they rather cleverly hide from our conscious view; in our ‘blind spot’ if you will.
One of the best ways to discover unresourceful patterns is to consciously put yourself under pressure. Yes, dealing with what’s not working is the pointy end of personal change and it smarts a bit to go there. But with the knowing that everything we desire lies just outside our comfort zone, a calculated stretch from time to time is well worth the effort.
Early in my journey of profound personal change, I was invited to embark upon a radical detox. I read the guidelines for the process provided by my coach and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I wondered how anyone could survive the regime that was being outlined. Nonetheless, I trusted the leader of the group programme and didn’t want to let the other women down. Nothing ‘sensible’ or ‘moderate’ that I’d tried before had delivered the extent of the results I desired regarding my health and well-being, so I figured I didn’t have much to lose. It was a leap of faith, but my inner wisdom knew that I was up for it.
There were many benefits of undertaking my first detox; clarity of mind, weight loss, a surge of self-belief and a sense of euphoria to name a few. I watched the other women in the group struggle and stumble at different points on this 10-day process. I couldn’t believe that I of all people, was handing the whole experience with relative ease. For 9 solid days I powered through every negative voice, every practical hurdle, every hunger pang and all of the doubt, cynicism and fear that I felt. I reached out to the other women to offer my support and dug deep when the going got tough. I felt nothing short of heroic in my efforts.
The end was in sight. All the hard work was done. I had one more day to go on this 10-day process and the rewards would be mine to celebrate. I hadn’t cheated once; I hadn’t sold out on myself or listened to other people’s doubts. I was completely rock solid until the penultimate day and I didn’t see what was coming next. On the evening of day 9 I ran myself a hot, scented bath and placed some candles around the edge in a rare act of self-care. I felt amazing. I was so nearly there. As I sank into the water, I felt proud of myself for getting to this stage; for having the nerve to invest in myself at this level.
And then I started to shake.
It just felt odd at first and I tried to relax but pretty soon it had escalated to shivers and convulsions. OMG I’ve taken this too far, I thought. I’ve starved myself and now my body is shutting down and I have done irrevocable damage to myself! I felt panicky and lightheaded. I called a friend who was on the programme with me; a holistic nutritionist who could easily have identified my detox symptoms, but who strangely colluded with my fears. I signed off the conversation quickly, somehow knowing that sharing my concerns at this stage wasn’t right.
I stayed with my discomfort and was rewarded beyond my expectations.
This is what you always do, said the voice within….you do all the hard work, you help everyone else, you follow the rules to the letter and you get so far, but you don’t follow through right till the end… you don’t claim your reward. You find someone who will tell you not to follow through on your dreams and sell out on yourself because on some deep level you don’t feel like you deserve all that you’ve worked for.
Wow. There it all was; a life changing insight into one of my most debilitating and self-sabotaging patterns. I couldn’t believe the power of this revelation, and all because I’d put myself considerably outside of my comfort zone. The way we do one thing is the way we do everything and as a result of unearthing a pattern in one area of my life, I had revealed its unseen power in other contexts too.
Maybe you’d like help to uncover a pattern that’s lurking just beneath the surface and have it transformed into something resourceful?
If you’d like my help, do get it touch.
You’ve got this.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s connection to your inner wisdom.
As always, I’d love to hear your comments below.